Skateboarding is really fucking gay. I came to this conclusion while at Hodges’ debut open mic night performance this past week at The Scarlet and Gray Cafe. I spotted this amongst the piles of free publications and naturally I picked it up and flipped through it to see if it actually had anything to do with skateboarding.
I had never seen this magazine before and I had no idea what it was all about, but it was right about when I read this passage that I realized that there was something, well, queer about it.
Then Carl came up to me and asked why I was reading the gay magazine. I was initially confused by this question, but Carl proceeded to explain to me that Outlook is Columbus’ LGBT publication. This raised more questions than it answered. Why was there a scantily clad skateboarder on the cover of this magazine? What does skateboarding have to do with being gay? (Or lesbian, bisexual, and transgender for that matter) Is wrapping a sheet around your genitals gonna be the next hot fashion trend in skateboarding?
While pondering these (not) very important questions, I slowly began to realize the parallels between skateboarding and being a huge flaming homosexual. It’s almost like skateboarding is some weird allegory for being gay. Let’s see:
Twinks and bears/Ryan Shecklers and the Antihero team
Gay people/skateboarders often hide that they are gay/skateboard from others for fear of being unfairly judged
Young dudes riding wood/young dudes riding wood
Many parents are disappointed that being gay/skateboarding is more than just a passing phase for their children
Gay marriage/skateboarding is illegal in most places in America
Similarly, many other countries have more accepting attitudes towards gay people/skateboarders
Many Gay people/skateboarders are really into, like, shoes and fashion and shit like that
Bugchasers/Aaron Homoki and Devin Appelo
New York City has an unusually high concentration of gay people/skateboarders
Being a professional gay person (pornstar)/professional skateboarder is a young man’s game and it leaves your body torn up and depleted
Being gay/skateboarding is really fucking gay
I guess it’s official. Skateboarding is the gayest pastime since shaving hearts in your pubes. Oh well, I guess it should have been obvious.
whassamattayou 
Fag
so when exactly are you going to burst out of the closet?
Hmm… when the sparkle in my gay male lover’s eye finally convinces me that the timing is right to finally let the world know about my insatiable appetite for tumescent male genitalia.